Written By: Jeni Gentry, Crescent Moon Advanced Clinical Intern
I remember staring into the beautiful blue eyes of my baby days after returning home from the hospital and thinking, “What is wrong with me? Where is my love at first sight? What am I doing wrong?”
Feeling like you do not love your baby is often a normal experience, especially in the early days after birth. It can be attributed to factors like postpartum adjustment, stress, lack of sleep, unrealistic expectations about parenthood, or even potential signs of postpartum depression.
Key reasons why you might not feel love at first sight:
- Postpartum depression/anxiety:
PPD/PPA can make it difficult to bond with your baby and even cause feelings of detachment or dislike. - Unrealistic expectations:
Societal portrayals of perfect parenthood can lead to feelings of inadequacy. - Difficult birth experience:
A traumatic birth can make it harder to connect with your baby. - Lack of sleep and exhaustion:
The physical and emotional demands can impact your ability to feel connected. - Personal history:
Past experiences with parenting or your own childhood can impact your attachment.
If you haven’t begun bonding with your baby, don’t feel anxious or guilty. Approximately 20% of new parents don’t feel an emotional attachment to their newborn immediately following childbirth. For some, it may take weeks or even months to develop this bond.
What you can do:
- Reach out to your partner or support system:
Sharing your feelings with loved ones can provide comfort and understanding. - Focus on small moments:
Pay attention to the positive interactions you have with your baby, even if they seem small. - Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional:
They can assess your situation and provide support, including therapy or medication if needed. - Join a support group:
Connecting with other new parents can provide insights and create community. Crescent Moon Therapy has a 6 week New Mom’s Group that addresses topics like bonding with your baby. For more information, contact us at: info@crescentmoon-therapy.com
It is crucial to reach out to a healthcare professional if these feelings are persistent and impacting your ability to care for your baby. If this is the case, consider working with a Perinatal Mental Health Professional. Therapists who specialize in perinatal mental health (PMH-C) are educated on the full spectrum of challenges of the parenting experience.
More information on this topic:
https://www.webmd.com/parenting/baby/forming-a-bond-with-your-baby-why-it-isnt-always-immediate#1
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/i-didnt-love-my-newborn-right-away_n_5e68fae5c5b60557280f1f69
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/strategies-living/202205/why-don-t-i-love-my-child
